IDK my BFF Jill...wait what BFF??

Even though I'm back, I feel a bit out of place. Like if my body isn't fully here or there or anywhere. I wish I could write happier posts for everyone, I wish I could be all gay and joyful, I wish I could describe to you all the happy things there are in my life, because luckily there are plenty. Unfortunately what consumes every space and crevice of my mind are the tortured parts of my soul: my insecurities, what I wish I had or didn't have, my discomforts, my anxieties. I've come to understand that I wouldn't be me, an anomaly to the human world, if I didn't feel all these things. If I had friends I wouldn't be who I am either. I can't say I'd be better or worse, I just wouldn't be me.

Most people go through life trying to figure out who they are and what's their purpose in this world. Because I've been so intuned to the Universe and God and just people around me I've known who I am for a long time; I've known what my purpose is for a while. So, as you can see, my problem is not figuring out who I am, but figuring out how to share myself with others. 

I'm a shy person, but certainly not insecure. I'm mostly shy because I don't want others to feel uncomfortable. I sometimes say things or express myself in ways that aren't normal to others. I say what I'm feeling and I'm honest. Not blunt, because I feel being blunt as a bad connotation, but I'm definitely a more vulnerable honest. I let people know when I'm sad or angry. This makes people uncomfortable because they never know how to react to me.

I mean, how would you react to someone who actually, truthfully answered, "How are you?". I mean why ask if you don't really want to know. I'm not good with small talk at all. I either don't talk or I tell you everything. 

This, people, is my problem. Or my only insecurity I guess. Will I ever find people, or MORE people, who like me for me? Or want to continue being my friend even after a class? IDK, but I sure hope so.