doo-ba doo-ba doo-ba

I'm on this creative roller-coaster right now. I want to do EVERYTHING! I have so many ideas, but my fingers just can't do everything fast enough. I want to write a couple of short stories, but I now I shouldn;'t be studying (so expect those short stories after finals). I want to wrap all the presents already, but I know it'll be useless because they're all going in a luggage and may get damaged. I want to make flowers out of paper, but I don't know where to start. I want to paint and paint and paint, but I'm too lazy to clean the mess afterwards. I want to finish the DAMN Christmas cards already, but my hand keeps cramping up when I do 5 in a row (will explain later). I want to make stuffed animals, but I don't want to go out and buy fabric and I can't decide which shirt to destroy. I want write poetry, but everytime I sit down to do so my hand doesn't move over the page even though my mind is screaming pretty good lines at it.
I want to play my piano SO BAD, but I have to wait (counts in head 1...2...3....4...16) 16 more days til I get to my parents' house in Nicaragua and can play it. Well, first I'd have to unpack and find the chord and...see too much work even then. I want to draw, but I can't find my shetchpad and I feel bad for ripping up another paper that's only going to end up in the recycling bin. I want to do SO much with paper, but feel awful for wasting it.
Ok.....enough of this melodramaticness. I'm going to sing a happy song.......(sing it to the twinkle twinkle little star melody. This is the one I used when coming up with the song).
Here I'm sitting in this chair
twirling my fingers in my hair
up goes the corners of  my lips
up goes the thoughts in my abyss.
Please repeat the beat of this song
Cuz' here I go starting with a thong.
Looking at this computer screen
I smile quietly as I lean
into the eyes of my sweet face
I stare intently and watch the chase.
Hush my darling you're half asleep
Lay your head and forget to eat.
Enjoy the rest of your thursday! =)

I promise under the oath of the stars and moon that I was in now way under any influence while writing this post. I am seriously this idiosyncratic and crazy. Which I guess is the same thing.

I hate stomach viruses!

Ok...on Friday I was supposed to announce that I worked a full week of an honest job. I was supposed to pat myself on the back and give me a high five. I was supposed to receive a nice little paycheck of a little over $300. I was supposed to be all proud that I actually survived one week of working a desk job. Unfortunately, this little corporate fairytale did not happen. I did work Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday came along and I got up bright and early to take S to school, my Grande Caramel Macchiato to the vet, and myself to school, and then to work. I only managed to do two of those four things. As I was dropping off Grande Caramel Macchiato I felt a funny feeling deep inside ....(can anyone guess the song of that little quote...btw it's in a movie). Anyways, I stomach started started to feel a little funny. I hurry it up as much as possible at the vet, leave my poor baby to be tortured with shots and things going up the butt, and rushed out of the door. As I'm driving my stomach starts to feel weirder and weirder.
I'm rushing home while trying to do the following, (a) not crash (b) not use the driver's seat as a toilet, and (c) not use the passenger's seat as a toilet. Yay for me! I managed to do all three. Anyways, I arrive home, fumble with mykeys as I hold everything inside of me and burst my front door open and rush to the bathroom and......well, I'm not sure your imagination is creative enough to come up with the rest.
By 10 o'clock I realized I was not going to accomplish my corporate fairytale so I called my cousin. I didn't want to miss work especially in reality I was doing her a great favor. Her receptionist is on vacay this week. Not only that one of her agents (my cousin is the office manager of an insurance company) is missing work this week becasue her daughter is in the hospital. So, now my cousin probably has to answer the phones herself AND fill in on the agent's job so her clients won't leave that angency. I feel incredibly awful (both mentally and physically) that I had to bail on her. Luckily, she understood and wasn't mean about it, which I appreciate. I hope the rest of her week isn't hectic, and I pray that she doesn't get unnecessary greys becasue of my stupid stomach.
I hate stomach viruses!

shame

Once upon a time (monday, the 23rd of Novemeber) there was this beautifully gorgeous young girl with cascading long blonde hair and hazel eyes that was going to the theatre with her just a wonderful cousin. They rode in a horse-drawn carriage wearing the most luxurious clothes offered to mankind......alright, I'm stretching the truth just a bit. Last Monday I had planned to go to the movie theatres with my cousin, Mey. I was super excited because I was going to finally see New Moon. I'm a forever optimist and I was hoping that the changing of directors would help the movie. So, I get to my cousins house, drop of S with my other cousin and get in the car to go out. I love going to the movies. I don't why, but my mood immediately changes once I know that I'm going to the movies later. We're about 30 mintues away from the theatre when my hubby calls.
"Hello?" I respond a little worried. (BTW, I always sound worried when I answer the phone)
"Babe..."
"What happened?"
"I crashed into someone."
SILENCE
"I crashed into someone, Babe." He repeats.
"Wh-wh-what? What do you mean? Oh my gosh, what do I do? D-d-d-do I go back? What about S?" My cousin is pulling onto the shoulder of the road and waits for me to tell her what to do.
"I'm fine. I'm ok. I'm not sure about the other guy...."
"Who do I call? D-d-d-do I call Nina? What do I do about S?"
"The ambulance is on it's way. Don't worry, bah-...."
"Oh my gosh, Babe. Wh-wh-what do you mean? Oh my gosh. Are you ok? What do I tell Nina? Do I turn around?"
He starts laughing and says, "Just tell Nina I'll be there in 10 minutes."
CONFUSION
"I didn;t crash anybody, I'm almost at their house to pick up S."
His joke is sinking in.
"Babe?"
"What the....what are you trying to do to me?? Are you kidding? I can't believe. How could you do this to me? You think this is funny?"
I tell my cousin, "Go, he was joking". I spit out the last word like if he tasted awful.
He can't stop laughing.
"I can't believe you, Babe. This was not funny at all. I'm hanging up..."
"Babe, wait. That was my intentionof calling. I wanted to ask you..."
"Well, figure it out. I'm not answering anything."
"Babe! Wait! Let me exlpain" He says while laughing.
"Babe?"
"Yes, I'm hearing you like an idiot. What do you want?"
"It's just I was listening to a phonetap. And I don't know I decided...."
"Don't finish that. I'm leaving."
"Wait, no! I love you babe" He's still laughing.
"Yeah, whatever."
"Babe" he burtsts out laughing, "Don't be like that. I love you with all my heart, i'm already here at Nina's to pick up S."
"Great for you. Bye."
"Ok, bye Schnookums. I love you. Have fun. Can't wait to see you later."
"Yeah, whatever" And I hung up the phone.
He then send me a text message later to enjoy the movie and that he loves me.
I decided to just ignore him for the rest of the night and enjoy New Moon. I wasn't going to let him spoil my night out, no matter what....
What's worse about his juvenile prank was that I realized I asked ALL the wrong questions. Instead of immediately asking him if he was ok, I was worried about what I was going to do with S. Some of you may think that's noble of me and that I'm just being a mom worrying about my baby. But I was worried about her becasue I wanted to go to the movies. I didn't want to have to go back and pick her up and miss my movie. I was conflicted between being a good parent and being irresponsible. I was already thinking about asking my aunt, Nina, if she could take care of S while I was watching the movie. I wouldn't have in the end, but it still crossed my mind. I was thinking that maybe he could settle everything quickly and go be with S. But i knew that wouldn't happen. The whole time I was only thinking about myself. He doesn't know the severity of what he did to me, but I learned a lot about myself that I wish I didn't know. I learned that I'm not as mature as I pride myself for. I learned that somehow I always think about me first. I learned that I didn't really care if he was ok. I'm not sure if it's because I heard him talking to me fine, or because I really don't care. He made me question myself a lot that night. Do I love my hubby as much as I think I do? Do I truly care about him? Do I truly love S, or do I feel like I have to because she's my daughter.
His little joke made me feel guilty and like if I was the worse person on this Earth. however, it's not his fault. I can't blame him for my reactions and for how I feel now. He wakened feelings in me that I had hidden. Hopefully, I can learn from this and not think that way if something bad really happens. Hopefully, I'll appreciate S and my hubby more, and not take them for granted. Hopefully, I'll take his joke as an exercise and learn that everything is not about me. Hopefully, I'd've learned selflessness. 

you have a choice

I just the movie The Blinde Side yesterday with my primas (girl cousins) and let me tell you...it was AMAZING!! I knew it was going to be good only because Sandra Bullock is in it, but i didn't think it would be this good. It is a little long, but the storyline is pretty good. The directing is great and the acting is phenomenal. It's not the feel good movie of the year, it's more the inspirational story of the year. A lot of people might think it's inspirtational because of Michael Oher, but I see it inspirational becasue of what Sandra Bullock's character did. This movie is based on a true story, and according to my research (because of course I wikied the true story), the movie is pretty accurate.
Sandra's character Leigh Anne Tuohy took in Michael as her own when she saw he had no home or anyone to go to. She saw potential in him when no one else saw it. She considers him her son and officially adopted him from the state. This wasn't her only act of charity though; she's known for raising funds for various unknown charities and projects. Yes, she's wealthy and that faciliates a lot of what she was able to give Michael and others, but regardless of money, she's still pretty amazing.
In school do you remember when they used to ask you who your role models were? Well, I used to always answer Harriett Tubman because she would risk her life and freedom over and over again to save the other slaves. That takes a lot out of someone's own courage to do. Or, how Michael says in the movie, "Any fool can have courage, it's honor what's important." He has a point, it's honor for yourself. Well, Harriett Tubman used to be my role model and I used to ask myself if what I'm doing is similar to What Ms. Tubam would do. I will always look up to that woman, but now I think my new role model is Leigh Ann Tuohy. It took a lot of courage to take in a black man into her home. I'm not being racist; I'm being realistic. She probabaly got made fun, her action was probably frowned upon. I'm sure her kids were being made fun, and I'm almost positive people thought Michael was having sex with her daughter, Collins. Because of course who doesn't want to tap some white girl's booty? Anyways, it took courage and honor on Leigh Ann's part to take him in without a thought, and only because he needed someone to believe him in.
She didn't sympathsize with him, but empathized. She didn't let him develop learned helplessness. She let him understand that he could do what he set out. He had a choice. You always have a choice regardless of your situation. For example, I got pregnant out of wedlock within my first year of college. Instead of both my hubby and I dropping out of college and getting a mundane job, we stayed. We're furthering our education because we know that, that is what's best for daughter and us in the long run. I had the choice to stop college, but i chose not to. I never felt sorry for myself for having her young. Everyone has a choice.
I don't want to turn this blog into giving advice and what not, but listen to this and pay attention to this movie. If you don't like ti watch movies you can read the book by Michael Lewis called The Blinde Side: Evolution of a Game. Remember, there's ALWAYS a choice. Even when you think there isn't, there is.
Have a happy saturday!

my run

I've been telling myself everyday since 2 months ago that WILL wake up at 5:40 am and do some sort of exercise. I prefer running just because it's the easiest thing to do, but I didn't set my goal that high. All I wanted was to be out of bed and sweat just a little bit. I did just that for about 2 weeks. Then I got sick and had to stop. Then my ingrown toenail was practically unbearable. Then I was going to bed too late which means I wasn't going to wake up in the morning. Then....I don't know, OH! Then, I didn't like my running shoes because I have sneaky suspicion that they like Horace and his little son and wants them to come back. So, you see it hasn't really worked out for me this whole running thing. However, the other day while I was an interview for a lab I decided that if they take me on as a volunteer then I'll DE_DE_DEFINITELY wake up at 5:40 and go running. No excuses. Damn Horace and his offspring. Damn the the sore throat and cough I feel coming on. Damn how late I go to bed. Well, I didn't yesterday, but I did today. YAY!! Because I got the volunteer position at the lab. They don't take volunteers and I practically had to beg. It was almost pathetic how I was unashamedly selling myself and amplifying my "talents". So, since I got the "job", I'm going to stick to my word.
My alarm went of this morning at 5:40 in the morning. I stayed in bed debating whether I should go. I kept telling my body to wake, but do you know how hard it is to waken a 140 lbs sleeping body? My mind was  DEFINITELY awake, but my eyelids just didn't want to budge open. And every time I would pry them open with the powers of my mind, they would snap shut like a crocodile snapping it's mouth on an oblivious bird. Too graphic? Ok, how about, they would snap shut like a mouse trap catching a mouse. Still too graphic? Oh well, feeling a little morbid today.
Anyways, in the end I managed to get my arse up. I did so yoga for stretching purposes and then went to...walk. I ended up just walking My Grande Caramel Macchiato. BUT!!!! I did at least walk on tippy-toes, so technically I did do some kind of exercise. ;)
While out and about so early in the morning as the sun was rising I decided to be like Penny from Picture Imperfect (woo ho, I did the link thingy!). I whipped out my handy dandy CAMERA PHONE! I think some of the pictures are pretty amazing, but unless Penny says so then they're crap. No pressure, Penny.Oh, I put this first picture only because the moment Macchi saw he freaked and started running away from it.

So, I've established I have two fetishes when it comes to taking pictues. I love love LOVE white washed anything. And I love sun rising water settings. I tried do a Penny and making small things look big, but I don't think it worked. 

Have a Scrumptiously Super Saturday!

beastiality? IDT so... It's just innocent lovin!

Every time I sit at the computer this is the process I have to go through before I can actually use the computer. My dog is probably the most affectionate dog you'll ever meet. Not only does he give kisses, but he builds up to them. He's like a little man, a flirtatious little man. He'll stare deep into your eyes, he'll cock his head to the side a little and continue to stare. He'll then tease you by nudging his nose against your chin, while somehow manages to nip it a little. He'll proceed to pull back and stare into your eyes some more and then with a little hesistation to make the kiss that much better he'll go in for the kill and lick your face so much that you have to throw him off and wash it.
Isn't he adorable?? Oh, AND he's a cuddler! He LOVES to spoon and LOVES it when you caress (scratch) his belly and ear and forehead and paws, and...his whole body. Yeah, I pretty much love him. He's like the perfect male being on this Earth. Oh, and do you want to know his name. I mean just his name alone will bring heaven to you ears and mind. Ready? It's... Macchiato! Macchi for short, but I call him "my Grande Caramel Macchiato". Yeah, the only I have to teach him is to actually go to Starbucks and get me one. MMMMMM....that sounds absolutely scrumptious right about now. IDEA! I'm going to get a gingerbread latte with soy. YUM!! Anyone else want anything?

"Tower, this is Ghost Rider requesting a flyby"

Since my hubby and I have moved to Miami he's been considering in joining ONE of the military services. He jumps from one to another, but it's always been on his mind. Lately, he's been seriously considering the NAVY. Of course, when I say "he" it includes me. Anyways, I think it'd be great for him. He wouldn't enlist, he'd be an officer and would work within the civil engineering section. I think it'd be great for him because he'd be surrounded by people who like the same thing as he does. The NAVY has this section that's humanitarian and I know he'd be GREAT at that. The ONLY downfall I can think of is the time he'll be away, oh and that fact that he has to sell his soul to them for like 8 years. Other than that though it's a GREAT opportunity. Despite the fact that I might not be able to see him for months at a time, I'm really pushing for this, because I know life as we know it might actually be that much better. We'd finally be able to move out of Miami, we'd be able to have a more secure lifestyle for S, and this could also show me a sense of independence that I am lacking.
I know in the end that it's God's will. For some reason I feel that He would be happy with this decision and that my hubby joining the NAVY is a good thing. I feel like if this is the path we need to take as a family. Ultimately, it is my hubby who decides, and I hope he listens to not only his mind, but heart.