a country song

I was asked to dance last night by a boy who wasn't my husband. That was one of the most awkward experiences of my life. I know what you're probably thinking, but I've never been asked to dance by some random boy I had never known. Actually, I don't think I've ever been asked to dance by any boy. I didn't so much get asked to dance as if the boy could teach me to dance. Look, let me explain something to you all. I definitely know how to dance. I can booty dance, I can rave, I can salsa, meringue, and a little chaha; I can even dance to 80's music (running man and all). But I've never lined dance before.

Last night my friend invited D and I to this place called the Round Up. It's a Western Bar in Davie, FL. It was so much fun. More than half of the night we all looked like fools trying to catch up with the line dancing. There was dance my friend knew and it was because the DJ puts that type of dance on every few songs. It's called the Country ChaCha. I know the dance. I do! But for the same life of me there's this one step that throws me off. And since the one step gets me all befuddled I can't do the rest of the dance.

So, during one of the Chacha's this boy comes up behind me, grabs my hands and says, "Want me to teach you to dance it?” I look up at him doe-eyed and speechless, gave a little smile; which I guess means, "Yes", because next thing I knew he had his arm around my waist teaching me the dance. Now, I know I could have very easily said no and the whole time I felt guilty because that boy was not my man. But, can you honestly blame a 21-year-old girl of not knowing how to respond when a boy asks her to dance when she's never been asked? I know; it's still a lame excuse.

That boy made my night. I know it's so vain and selfish and superficial and shallow. But knowing that I was still wanted by someone truly made me feel nice. Sometimes I wonder (and I say this to D all the time) that what if we hadn't had S, and what if we broke up...would I have ever gotten another boyfriend? I tell him all the time that I don't think I would have because he was my first boyfriend and I was 15 turning 16. He was the first one I ever truly kissed without it being from Truth or Dare or anything of the like. He's the only I was intimate with (both mentally and physically). He was the only boy I ever had sex with and that was 3 years into our relationship. I really don't think I would have been able to find another boyfriend. I mean, I can't even find friends. He says he thinks so because he thinks I'm confident which is a huge plus. But I'm not truly confident. I have good self-esteem, I always haves, but I'm never really been self-confident.

I was telling him last night that every time we go out anywhere it always feels like it’s just the two of us in the whole place. It gives me the self-confidence. With him I dance the way I want to dance. I laugh as loud as I want. I don't care if I make a fool of myself. Why? Because he's the only one for me and I know he'll love me no matter how ridiculous I am. I can be me anywhere I go because of him.

That boy yesterday was a blessing. He helped me realize that I'm not stuck (sometimes I do feel as I am). That boy helped me see that D truly is the right man for me. I don't mean in terms of love, because honestly that term really is for fairytales. I mean in the sense that D provides for me, maintains me, and respects me. He does everything a good primordial spouse should do. And that's our love. And that's why I love him.

So thank you again Boy at Round Up for asking me to dance. You taught me that I am still attractive to the opposite sex, you taught me I am not only a mother and wife, you taught me that D IS my husband. Most importantly, Boy at the Round Up, you taught that even though one has self-esteem doesn't mean they have self-confidence and that's something I need to work on.