Potpourri of downers...Wallow is my new friend.

There's many things I could write about today. Actually, the reason for not posting anything yesterday was becasue I had too much to write about. I know I've already done a post like this, but this is my problem; either I'll post too many posts a day, or I won't post anything at all. It's so hard for me to only pick one. Today, I've decided I'm just going to write everything in my head. Let's see how that goes.
...Great now I have nothing to write..oh wait..here they come, ready, set......GO!
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2 days ago I started feeling this little pinch on my lower eyelid where the eyelashes are. I usually feel this little pinch when I wore too much eye make-up the previous night and didn't wash it off (I know, a major NO NO, but laziness always kicks in). Anyways, I didn't think anything of it, because usually after I wash the make-up off and pay extra attention to the area where I feel the pinch it miraculously goes away when I wake up the next morning. Nope, not this time. Of course,right? I mean I have enough with Horace, but now Natasha has to come along and actually stay. (Love how I personify my pains?) I thought that since it stayed it might be conjunctivitis, but it isn't. Or at least I think it isn't because my eye hasn't turned pink and no eye gunk has come gushing out.  But today's is the...(counts in head, 1, 2, 3??) I guess 3rd day. IDK I lose track of pain and illnesses. Anyways it's been a while since I've had it, but am feeling too lazy to go to urgentcare. I would prefer to go to MY eyedoctor, but he's ALL the way in Nicaragua! That visit would be way to expensive, and unfortunately I don't have EYE insurance. So, I guess...... (thought ends here. on to next one)
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I am EXTREMELY cranky this morning. I had a huge fight with my dad yesterday and felt  SUPER underappreciated. I didn't want to wake up this morning and do what I know I had to do, but of course, I had no choice right? See the thing is that my dad sends a lot of stuff to my house ( BTW, the parental units don't live here, they live in Nicaragua) and I usually send those stuff with other people who are going to Nicaragua. This was no exception. The problem was the most important package was too big to fit in any suitcase I, or anyone else i know, owns. I went to Walmart last night to look for another suitcase, but there weren't any big enough. I come home to tell my dad and he gets angry with me like if I failed. FYI, I'm that type of daughter that is forever trying to prove herself to her parents, no matter what. So, having my dad basically tell me I failed, hurt a lot. I went to bed angry, which of course is something you should NEVER do, and I woke up angry. I was just so angry because I do everything he asks of me without complaining. I've never told him no, I always go to places he tells me to go to get him things. A lot of times I've had to put my own money and deposit it in his bank account. (of course he pays back, but when running on budgets you know it's hard to take out $200 when you don't really have it). I do a lot, but like I've told him in the past I don't mind doing all this for him and my mom, because they are my parents and they've done so much for me. They didn't HAVE to be good parents, they chose to be. They didn't have to feed me, cloth me, love me, etc. Honestly, they didn't. They chose to take responsibility of me and be good parents. I will forever be indebted to them, the least I could do is run-arounds for them and cough up money, right? I said this much to my dad last night and he just said good night to cut me off.
I wake up this morning deciding I was going to to hit the mall as soon as it opened to get a suitcase big enough for the important package. I did just that, I got S ready and we went to the mall, despite the fact that it was naptime for her. I came back, packed the suitcase and waited for someone to come pick it up. I did what was asked of me. Maybe some day my parents will realize how great I am...My mom used to joke around and say, "what? do you want a parade or something?" and thinking about it now, after 21 years of trying to prove myself and having a baby out of wedlock and at a young age and I'm still managing to graduate on time with not only a major, but a minor and with SUPER good grades? Yes, I think I deserve a parade from them. I don't want them singing my praises to their friends, I won't them to sing it to ME.

AFTERTHOUGHT: I just check my e-mail and my dad sent me an apology saying that there's no excuse for what he said last night and that he is grateful that I do so much for them without complaining.
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I haven't eat all day and decided, even though I'm not hungry, that I was going to heat me up some vegan Kashi. I was actually savoring it when I decided this and then I look inn the freezer and guess what? IT"S GONE!! I de-de-de-definitely did NOT eat, but I know who did. The hubby's grandmother lives with us and for the past weak she's been eating lean cuisine's. She probably got confused and ate mine, instead. =(  I was so looking forward to that dish.
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Tonight is the last night the hubby's grandmother is going to be here. She leaves to nicaragua for 2 months. this means I won't have a built-in babysitter for that long. It feels kind of nice when we can just go to the movies or dinner and just leave the monitor with her, but now we actually have to find a sitter the old-fashioned way. You know with bribing of pizza and beer or video games, or music. the hubby and I, both, have plenty of family and they are all capable of babysitting, I just hate asking.
I don't really like to ask for help, especially if people to ask for my help. I feel like if I'm using them, and I like to give help, instead of receive. So, so long to planned spontaneity!
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Sorry, today's post was a bit of a downer. I'm sipping delicious grande caramel macchiato with soy coffee, and listening to super mellow, dope-smoking (minus the MJ) music, and just wallowing in my sadness.  Who doesn't like to wallow?