love the one you're with

I just finished reading Love the One You're With by Emily Giffin. It's about a marriage and how everything seems perfect, from the girl's perspective, but then LO AND BEHOLD her ex-love waltzes into the picture like if he owns it. She goes back and for if she still loves him and her commitment to her husband. Bottom line, she doesnt cheat and realizes love is a commitment and decision not nights filled with passion. I don't know if I want to agree with her. I mean it makes sense and it is what they teach us (us referring to Christians, especially Catholics). I have a problem with that though. How can love be merely a decision when sometimes when you're with your SOS you start feel this tingly sensation in the pit of tummy? then it starts to rise and fill your veins with a giddy/butterfly sensation which flows throughout your entire body where you feel as if you cant breathe and you cant wipe off that goofy grin that has begun to form on your face? I'm not talking about that initial love; that excitement when you realize you do truly care for that other person. I'm talking about the love between couples (married or not) that have been together for years and still get this feeling. Was love just a decision; a commitment, then?
I don't think so. I think love is both. It's the feeling we get when our lover does something fantastic, its a feeling when you realize that he/she is all yours, when you have a nightmare and can just turn over and make him hug you until it goes away. It's when you've been gone for a few days for x reason and you get back home and he has that puppy dog face and exhale with relief never realizing that until then you weren't really breathing. However, love isnt only those things. It's also deciding whether to take a job offer somewhere where you know he/she won't like, its about deciding whether to eat out with the girls for a second night in a row or staying in and watching True Blood.
love is a lot more complicated and multifaceted than most would like to think. We wish it were simple, but its not. And sometimes, love means hurting someone else...

not a nothing

Not a kiss;
not a touch;
not a whisper.
The feelings of solitude
are as profound as love.
They both fill you up
to the point of vomiting.
They may also be
replaced as quickly
as the wink of an eye.

Not a kiss;
not a touch;
not a whisper.
Nothing.

so i failed...

Alright, so I failed in my whole take-a-picture-a-day challenge. BUT it's so not my fault. My camera broke, because I think I sat on it. I am notoriously famous for breaking cameras. So, now mu hubby has to go fight at BestBuy to get it fixed, because I failed in that department too. I would've never made a good lawyer.
Anyways, I have been Californication recently and, of course, the show inspires me to write. Hmmm, wonder why? Well, only because David Duchovny plays a very hott (yes, with TWO t's) writer, who thinks he's the shizzle. The dialogue is amazing, and the music is just right. How can one watch that show and NOT get inspired?
I have some stuff, but I'm going to build it up a little, just to get people checking in on me. Then, all of you can say what I write sucks. =P

love is de-de-de-de-de-definitely enough

I didn't really have time to take a good picture today, so I decided to fix up an old one. This isn't really that old, it's only from a few weeks ago, but it wasn't taken today.
For my birthday my husband decided to take me Key West with a few friends. We went snorkeling and did other wonderful things, and someone took this picture. It was kind of planned, but not at the same time. I thought the perform had already taken the picture (which was done on purpose, nice one buhnanita) so I relaxed and enjoyed the kiss and this marvelous picture came about.
I would add a poem to this picture, but at the moment I feel as if the picture speaks louder than any words I can come up with at this moment.

all you need in life is: a cool knapsack, a good book, & some sweet aviators

I can't give good pictures for a while because I cracked my camera. I know, I know! I'm sorry, I just can;t help it. I break ALL cameras, I don't know why, it just happens. Anyways, I was waiting in the Honors College at FIU and some guy left his stuff just like this. It just screamed, "TAKE A PICTURE OF ME!" If only the lighting was better, and I had my camera! =( Oh well, we must learn to make do, right? I didn't make up story for this picture, BUT i did write a poem.

Cleavage and a Side-Swept Bang

Back against the wall
puff of smoke whirling out
inviting the next victim
for a nighttime bout.

Fluff up hair
& red lips being smacked.
Pushing out your goods,
while the stomach is being tucked.

Gazing around the street
showing off more of that cleavage
sweeping your bang to the side
& reeling in your catch.

Looking around warily
making sure there's no uniforms.
Taking a breath
& acting out your performance.

Lying there naked
smelling sweat & perfume
trying to disconnect
from this nightly tune.

Dressing up in rags
reapplying that red lipstick
dousing yourself in perfume
preparing for you next ....

62 cupckaes!

Today was perfectly, wonderfully, stupendously, and curiously splendorous. Not much happened today, really, but it was one of my favorite days. Better than the days I spent in key west. I woke up to the wonderful (HA, yeah right) sound of my baby crying from, probably, a nightmare. I smacked my wonderful hubby across the chest to get her and bring to me on the bed. He changed her diaper (yeah, I trained him right) and cradled her next to me. For a whole hour I tried convincing her to just go "nunu", but she would just repeat, "NUNU, No no no no. No nunu". After a while to started begging for some chichita. When my husband was about to leave I told him to take her downstairs and prepare her milk. And of course, he obligingly did so without a complaint. The morning was truly a typical morning, with the typical "I want your attention" crying, and "let's harass poor Macchi" laugh. At around 10 I put her in her crib with her much beloved chichita and disney channel (the greatest babysitter BTW). I was going to nap, but I was too busy looking up blogs and then my favorite cousin, COCONUT HEAD, called and said he was coming over.
He doesn't even ask now, it's just a "Hey you home? Aight, I'm almost there". like, did he ever hear of common courtesy, even if it means nothing? No, just kidding. I love it when people invite themselves over. I hate being asked, it makes me feel like a with, but with a B. IDK, I know I'm crazy.
ANYWAYS, after my baby woke up (almost 3 hours later) we headed over to my absolute fav "fast food" restaurant, PANERA! Yeah, I know, I had Panera yesterday, but I couldn't resist the opportunity when Mimi threw away what I was going to have for lunch. It was a mission, let me tell you, to pretend I could totally handle getting our lunch and sitting us somewhere. All it took really was her cuteness and my obliviousness, and trust worthiness. I actually left my bag, sorda unattended, while I got out soups. AND I let her follow me to our table like a cute little puppy. It was totally endearing having her follow behind and then ducking under my arms to get on the booth before me. Yeah, so my heart melted, but I'm sure yours would've as well. I started to pour Pepsi in her sippie, and she about broke out in dance in front of everyone. I don't think she's my daughter, she's not embarrassed by anything, and she is just so friendly! Well, some people next to us saw her and started to laugh, she stopped in the middle of her dance to look towards them. and what does she do? She waves and says, in her very cute soprano voice that only a little child can pull off, "Hi!". There hearts melted at that moment and they said "Hi", just as enthusiastically back to her. I swear I think that child can stop a war if I put her in the middle of it; which of course I never would.
After our little, mama-daughter lunch we headed over to Publix, because guess what we ran out of? CHICHITA!!! We got home and immediately shredded our black converse sneakers off, socks and all, and truly relaxed watching TV next to each other. Well, She was more or less laying on top of me and I was trying to watch something other than the Disney channel while we fought over the RC. This is when I decided to have a photo shoot of her trying to get the things while still on top of me. It's like a game for her: what can I do while I'm still sitting or laying on top of my Mama. I love this game, especially today.
After our little photo sesh, I helped Mimi make 62 cupcakes. Yeah! 62 cupcakes! While baking I was also cooking dinner. Then, like who knows how many hours later, we went upstairs to play in her room. While I was putting close away, and tidying up the upstairs stairs for the end of the day; she was following me untidying the upstairs for the end of the day. even though she was having a blast while doing I knew she would crask soon. So, I started to get her bath and she beings screaming, "AGUA! AGUA! AGUA!" It's like a chant she has to say before stepping into the tub. Like if she's praying to tub god of Miami to bless her with a glorious bath. Lucky for her, it always is one.
Now my favorite part of the whole day! I finish dressing her and she runs to me and embraces me in one of those littly baby hugs, that only your child can give and wraps her legs around me. We say "Buh-bye" to Mimi and Macchi (kisses and all). Before her I put her in the crib I ask for my kiss and she looks at me and kisses me while giving me a quick hug. I lay her down, give her the beloved chichita, lay her pink dog next to her and cover her (upon her request).
I hope and pray and beg that days like this will never end. even when I'm 60 and she's 40, I still hope she'll ask for chichita and give me those very special hugs.

my heart tore open and has remained so until...

Today was the first day I have spent so many (conscious) hours without my baby, in the hands of a complete stranger. It's one thing to leave her with family who see her all the time, and you, of course, trust them. However, it is an entirely different story when you leave her with complete strangers and booger-eating, butt-scratching, slobber-all-over toddlers.
I walked into the daycare and waited for a little bit, then i decided it was time for me to go. So, I signaled one of the teachers and she immediately came over and sat her down on the floor to watch tv. Sera just looked up at me with these eyes that said, "Are you leaving me? What's going on?" I swear I could hear the splitting of both our hearts (especially mine) when she did. I turned my back and she started to cry like if the woman was stabbing her with a butcher knife. I sorda ran back kissed her like I'll never be able to again and almost ran out of the horrid place. I made it to my car without a single tear. Just a warning before I continue: I don't cry. I actually made through the day without crying. I was in an awful mood all day and I couldn't stop thinking about her, but I swear I didnt cry. =)...What helped me get through until 1:00 (which at that time I was running out of my house) was Panera. Boy, do I love that place.
At 1:10 I was at her daycare walking in AND she was taking a nap. The director went to check on her and, luckily, she was awake. The moment she saw she started crying and screaming my name. I took her in my arms and just held her. You know what she did? She held me too. She just wrapped her little arms around me and clutched onto me to never let her go.
I had prided myself in saying that I'm not attached to her, but I am. She may be young, but she is my best friend. She knows when i need hugs, and kisses, and laughter, and smiles. She knows me, and, at this point, I think she's the only one who truly does. Sadly, after today, I know this won't continue. =( ...Now I'm starting to cry. I can just see her getting married and leaving me forever. I miss her already.

no wordsI signed my name knowing I was giving her up

There are no words for me to describe the feeling that is within me. Tomorrow I am dropping my daughter off at daycare for the very first time. All i know is that tomorrow my heart will split open and there will be nothing to repair it until i can pick her up again in the afternoon. I know she'll be fine, but that's what worries me. What if she doesn't need me anymore? What if she learns bad habits from the kids at the school? After tomorrow is only one more step for her to leave for good. =(

a little story

On the outskirts of the unknown walks a girl with golden hair and eyes that shine like the sun. She stares up to the clouds, when she stumbles onto a dock. She looks around and notices that it belongs to no one, but the universe. She decides to lay on the dock and appreciate the gentle music of the blue/green water lapping at the wooden columns below, the soft gossiping between two birds, and breeze pushing the clouds through the sky. The longer she lies there, the more she feel one with the Universe. As if she has always done it, longer than she can remember. I guess Jung had it right, she thought, maybe we do pass on more other than physical genes. Maybe we pass on thoughts and memories as well.
The girl just laid there starring up at the clouds making shapes that weren't really there, when all of a sudden a shadow forms over. She shields her eyes because the lack of sun hurt more than the sun shining on her. She got up and turned around and she saw Him. She didn't know what to do, but as a typical girl she clasped her hand to her mouth and gasped. "Don't be afraid," He said, "It's alright, I just wanted to know if I could join you and admire this untouched beauty as well." the girl couldn't help but stare and after some time of the two of them just starring at each other she stammered, "S-s-s-s-s-s-sure". He motioned for her to lie back down, and after she did, he followed suit lying down right next to her.
The girl was very, extremely, terribly nervous and she just wanted to cry from how stupid she was being. She glanced a peek to her right, where He was lying, and drew up courage from how peaceful He looked. She let out a noisy exhale, adjusted herself to be more comfortable, and continued doing what she was doing, and enjoyed the moment of lying next to Him.
"Have you been Kira?" He asked as he turned his head towards the girl.
She started at Him trying to find her resolve and drawing up more of the courage as she had earlier, "Ok, I guess. I'm just trying to enjoy the peacefulness of right now."
"I understand what you mean. I came here for the same reason as well."
She had nothing to reply to that so she didn't say anything. She continued to stare at Him, however, and wondered why he was here.
"I'm here, Kira, because I sensed you needed a companion right now. I understand you've had a lot of weight on your shoulders and I thought maybe you'd like to talk."
That last sentence definitely started the girl's wheels turning and she responsed without thinking, "Of course I have a lot of weight on my shoulders. I have a 2 year old baby, married, and am just about to finish getting my bachelor's degree, and I just turned 21. on top of everything, I still want another baby, but I know no one will a prrove and it'll be like having the first one all over again. Of course I have a lot of weight on my shoulders."
"Is there anything else?" he asked slightly amused.
"Yeah, I wish I could do so much more. even though I have lots to do I feel like it's not enough. I want to do more. But what can I do that doesn't involve money? How can I help people, and animals, and plants and the universe, if I don;t ahve mney to spare? I can't put myself last because then I'll resent that later on." she cried out and looked as if she were about to faint. How can I speak to Him this way? I must be losing it!
He laughed a good hearty laugh and said, "You are losing it, Kira, I promise you that. I believe you are in the right state of mind. It does seem a litte unfair that you have such a bump in your world. I know that you can do great things. But..."
"Yeah, but, " she interrupted, "I would've never done if she weren't part of my life. I would've slacked and so on." She responded lazily.
He frowned and wait for her to continue. She looked abashed and quietly said, "I'm sorry. Please go on."
He stared away from her and looked at the clouds for a few moments and said while turning back to her, "I think, Kira, that you know what to do. All you need is to find it in yourself to be truly happy. i don't like seeing you this way, but it does make me somewhat happy to know that it's not entirely for selfish reasons. Now," He stared at her full on, and was blushing somewhat, "May I be just a little selfish and ask something of you."
"Sure, anything. I love it when you ask direct things. It makes life so much easier."
He smiled a genuine smile that shone just as brightly as the sun, "Will you please find more time for Me. Even if it's for just a few extra minutes. I miss the talks with used to have."
The girl looked up towards the clouds to avoid His sincere, piercing stare and began to cry. She felt His fingers on her cheeks to brush away the tears and she just nodded. Silently agreeing to fulfill that promise knowing He would hear it. After some time she looked back towards Him and found He wasn't there. She could still feel where His fingers had been on her cheeks, but she knew He would never permanently leave. "I promise I will do everything I can do make me happy and to make You proud in calling me Your daughter."

Day 1: Back 2 School

As a student myself I am getting all the necessary "Back to School" supplies at one of my favorite places...Office Max. I don't know what it is about getting new notebooks, pens, pencils, and binders. I guess it;s the smell and the fact that it's new! However, since I try my hardest to be resourceful and a closet-environmentalist I don't get new things every year. I splurged a little this year, because it's the first time since I've gone to college that I've bought new notebooks. Oh, I did the first semester, but I've managed to re-use them, or re-use my husband's or take over someone's un-wanted notebooks. I bought the nice looking, typical cosmopolitan notebooks. You know, the one's with the binding, and they're black and white. And the coll things to do was highlight them to fill in the white that way you had different colors. I'm sure all you grunge-loving 90 teens used them.
So far, so good on this mission of mine. wish me luck for tomorrow! =)

something new

All right, so for the next month I am going to post, at least a picture, everyday. The main point is to see if I can commit to something, regardless of grades and expectations. Since, no one, follows this post anyways.
I will take pictures throughout the month, and post a new one everyday. If I succeed at the the end of the month, then I will continue for another month, and so on. The ultimate goal here is to have 365 posts with pictures in them. I know, not very original, but hey! It's got me doing something other than studying for once!
So, sit back, enjoy, and let the pictures speak to you.

random thoughts

Sometimes I truly wonder if I'll get over my fears. I have faith in God, and I trust Him with more than my life, but i always be afraid that things that shouldn't happen; will.

As I mentioned in my previous post I have started reading, yet, another vampire series. It's called Vampire Diaries. sadly it isn't written very well, but man does this woman know how to create a plot. She separated her story into 5 books (as far i know), but the books are exceedingly short. Each book is 130 pages or less. I think this is what makes it so good. And also the fact that she has no real pragraphs, everything is divided into 3 sentences or less, and there's a lot of dialogue. It's funny how simply the appearance of a book, and I don't mean the cover, can make you want to read more. I think this is the reason why I hadn;t liked Seven Loves. The structure and the way she divided paragraphs was too formal. You can tell she learned to write somewhere and she was taking grammatical rules to heart. This Smith woman did not learn to write...I think. There's a difference when you major in literature in college and when you major in journalism or something related to it. Funny enough, a lot of the good writers, are the ones who majored in Literature. They know the written word more than anyone, because, well....they've read so many books, how could they not know what it takes to write a good book? I feel sorry for those hopeful writers who study journalism or something along those lines, when they need to stay home adn just read. READ, READ, READ...and probably listen to music.
It;s a wonder what music can do to one's soul and mind. Right now amd I listening to the Disney channel through the monitor. It's a very comforting sound i can tell. When all I hear is the TV it's because my daughter has finally decided that it is time for her to sleep.
I registered her for daycare last Friday. That was painful. she's not in daycare yet (her first day is the 24th), but I'm already dreading at the fact that I have to leave her in someone else's capable hands. You know what the wrost part is? i know she's going to do fine and she's not even going to miss, and she probably won't resent me in years to come for this. But, the worst part? I feel as if she won't need me anymore. I feel as if she'll like going to the day care more than just spending time with me. At some points I feel like a failure for not being able to find night classes; but, unfortunately, as my last year I had no choice in what classes to choose. Of course all of those classes are doing the day.
I'm also afraid that she's going to get that much older too quickly. She's already mature for her age. No, she doesn't speak coherently yet, but she knows things. And she understands so much; too much.
BTW it's 11:11, make a wish!

reading vampire stories again

I have read several vampire series' and none of them are truly that good. I mean Twilight was good, because it had an amazing plot and the character was EXTREMELY relate-able, but Meyer's writing style wasn't too great. I've read the Black Dagger Brotherhood and I only need to say two words on that series: romance novel. I have also read the Sookie Stackhouse series, and those books were actually pretty good. Charlaine Harris is a good writer, but to be fair I didn't actually read those books, I heard them on audio tapes. Right now I am reading Vampire Diaries by Smith. It's not bad, but it's not great. Her sentence structure, grammar, even spelling is just so off. She had a really bad editor, for he/she to not pick up on a lot of obvious things.
I am about to finish the first book out of the 5 and I;m not impressed. Yes, I can't put the book down; but it;s only because it's so similar to Twilight. Unfortunately, I am sucker for Twilight and anything related to it. EXCEPT for the movies.

off books for right now

I pride myself in reading a ton of books, and having a fairly decent vocabulary. I enjoy writing essays for class, and I tend to write regardless of class. I love being able to write something and think of a synonym on the spot, or a different way of saying the same thing. I truly enjoy using euphemisms and what-nots when writing. When I read I love to imagine where the book is set, and I always put myself in the main characters position. Sometimes I imagine I am his/her best friend and they're telling me their story personally. I don't only enjoy these two things, I also love to paint and draw, and listen to music. With anything artistic or interpersonal I can lose myself.
That's the thing, though, why do I always want to lose myself?I'm proud of the 20-something year old I am, and I'm happy with where my life is headed. But. Am I always trying to dive into artistic getaways because I can't stand being me? Is my life this incredibly boring, or do I just find it boring?
For example. Why did I start this blog in the first place? The reason: because a character in one of the books I read had started a blog and she was able to find herself in the process, through the help of people following it. I get on the computer various times a day and check if anyone has left comments or is following. Those various times a day I leave the computer disappointed. Am I sorrowfully pathetic?

no books

I've been trying all day to read Seven Loves by Trueblood, but I just can't commit myself to it. May (the main character) isn't interested if I follow her life or not. It's killing me; the lack of indifference she has to me. I wish she were more involved, but she could care less if I read her story or not. I think that is the problem Ms. Trueblood has. She made her character to unrelate-able.

Seven Loves by V. Trueblood

For the past 3 days I've been trying to read this book called Seven Loves by Vanessa Trueblood. The writing is great! I've never read a book, well a non-classic, that has such good sentence structure and writing skills. The wording is amazing. She mixes poetic elements in a novel. Very well written, but it's lacking something. I've been trying to read it and it just doesn't hold my interest. I think, so far, this book fails to hold one steady plot. I believe the writer was trying to make the book based on the main character and travel through time, but the way its done is not so cohesive. With a better editor and agent, I think this book could've been something great.
I read a lot of books in which this is the case. Good books, with good ideas but in lacking of something. If I had to the time and patience, and skill I probably could come up with a great book. I guess, however, every reader feels this way.

UGH!!

UGH!! So I can't even spell check correctly. What else is new??

time traverl's wife by A. Niffenegger

First, I want to say sorry for not checking my spelling before submitting. It was late last night and I was just getting started.
I'm not actually reading Time Traveler's Wife, but I did watch the movie yesterday and I did read the book before. Good book, obviously. The movie? Not so bad. There are, of course, many details that were not incorporated, and they did change a few things, but overall...pretty good. It stuck to the story line, and the director successfully switch POV's just like in the book. i went with one of my girlfriends since she also read the book, and of course we cried like babies. the funny thing was that since we knew what was going to happen we were crying or laughing way before the appropriate time.
I like this book a lot, because it helps understand that the time I have with my husband and family is limited. Time also, is insubstantial. It's something we depend on, but it's not something that truly exists. in other words, it exists, because we make it exist.

buenos aires broken hearts club by j. morrison

Hello cyber-world! Just a little info on me, before I get into my experience with this book.
My name is not to be known, but you can call me K. I lived in Nicaragua for most of life and met my husband there. Fate, Destiny, God, what have you, wanted us to be together, because the 3 years that I lived in the US we had gone to the same elementary school and at some point knew each other. Even though we have no recollection of this. We are high school sweethearts who had shotgun wedding in the summer after our first year of college. Right now I am extremely happy to say I about to embark on my last year of school. =) I'm getting ready for the GRE, GK, and many other wonderful tests to get into the grad school of my dreams (dont know what that is yet).
Right now, however, I have just started my last responsibility-free 2 week summer. I have just finished one, and have read 3 books already. Today, I will talk about Buenos Aires Broken Hearts Club, because I just finished it.
I am a reader through and through. I read everything; anywhere. I dont judge between internet, newspaper, books, or even napkins. Ironically, Literature or anything related to it, is not my major. I have read many books from classics (King Lear) to romance novels (Sookie Stackhouse series) to teen lit (Twilight) to chick lit (Thief of Words). Without books I would probably die. I have traveled the world, experienced drunkeness, exotic dancing, lustful afairs, and many other things though my books. They have become one companion that I can constantly depend on. Books have never let me down. Now, I know what you're thinking, "What a LOSER, this K is". I can say I am problebly a big nerd, but not a loser. I lived a life once. A life of dancing, drinking, G rated one night stands, going to the beach at 2 am, before the age of 17. I've done a lot if my recent youth, but ever since I have become a proud mom, I don't have the ability to do those things and be sane for my daughter when she's up and about.
This brings me to Buenos Aires Broekn Hearts Club. It's a wonderful book of heartbreak and love all in one. It has a perfect amunt of exotic scenes, an sentence structure that leaves you gasping with the main character. The life she, Cassie Moore, experiences in Argentina is what I lived through in Nicaragua starting at the age of 13. Of course I did not have mindless sex at the age, but everything else was the same. I danced all night, I would go to cafe's and drink coffee with "medialunas". I would go out and have fritangas and then watch the glow of the sun rise on the beach at 5 am (probably all in one day, too).
This book left me gasping for breath eveytime I "see" Mateo". I would feel him coming up behind me, acting all shy, and saying my name. I imagined him touching my arm and dancing with me and then pressing his gorgeous lips to mine. I live through my books, and I will continue to do so until I die, probably. I am a retired adventurer, I guess. Now, I am living safely, and comfortingly at home taking adventures with the likes of Cassie Moore.