This post is going to be different even though I'm in Nicaragua and am super happy. But what I'm thinking needs to be said and I honestly have no one to say to without either getting into a fight or hurting someone's feelings.
In my family we celeberate Christmas on the 24th. Santa comes to the house and hands out all the gifts from family anf friends. It's been a family tradition for about 20 years and we've continued it despite everything. Afterwards, we eat our delicious feast and then digest the food. Usually about an hour after eating (around 1 o'clock in the morning) people start to leave. This year was no different except it was the first year EVER we had it at my mom's house. All the years we lived in Miami we've alays celebrated xmas at my mom's sister's house. the few times we've celebrated it here with the whole family it has been at my grandmothers house. The last time it was there was her last xmas. it was very sentimental, but fun at the same time. This year my mom really wanted it at her house. I mean it is only normal, right? Anyways, with all her sisters here, you'd think that it's be one of the best xmases for my mom right? well, no..it probably wasn't. And not because she's ungrateful, but because everyone, and i mean everyone had something negative to say. and you know what's the worst part? that they didn't tell her and make any direct comment. Last night's convo was full of indirect snide remarks about everything. Someone wasn't feeling well. "The food wasn't right". "How dare she buy the stuffing and not make it from scratch". "It's just not the same". "WE should've stayed in miami." "I'm too tired, I wanna go back home now."
Towards the end my mom was doing her best to salvage the evening by dancing and laughing and making jokes and having a good time. do you think anyone gave her a smile? Do you think anyone danced with her? Do you think anyone could've stopped being selfish brats and just be there for my mom who does SO much for all of them? No. no one was capable of doing that for her.
I get it. I udnerstand that xms is a very sentimental time for everyone in my family since my grandmother's passing, but it's been 5 years. it's not fair that my mom has to to deal with the aftermath while everyone got to go back to Miami and forget about it. But then when they come back to Nicaragua there's always this blanket of sadness of that envelopes them. They couldn't smile for my mom just this once. I mean they don't even visit that often. It's always a mission to get them here and they come and it's almost as if they shouldn't have. I should've known it would be like this from the moment they were buying their tickets and how complicated they were being. and how they kept saying they weren't going to come. If you didn't want to come and were so hesitant why even bother coming? To make my mom feel like shit (yes, i cursed).
I wish i was taken more seriously within my family and had more authority where i could say all this to them. and put them in their place. but unfortunately i'm only 21 and i'm considered a bimbo in my family. so nothing i say is valid and it's all stupid.
sorry to be a downer, but i needed at least one person to know how i felt. and what i wrote doesn't even come close to the emotions that are crashing like waves in the pits of my heart.
like i told my hubby, though, you make christmas fun not the other way around. so i still enjoyed myself and i tried to smile as much as possible and compliment my mom and thank her as much as she would listen. ;)
What i love best about my mom though, is that she enjoyed herself and thought on the positive. and despite the heavy cloud of dislike and melancholy she still tried to be a good and fun host til the very end.
I love you mama, and don't let them bring you down because this was the best christmas i've ever had and i love you so much. remember that only God and you need to know how awesome you are. and only you can make yourself to be happy and a good person. Can't wait to spend new years just us.
-Your always grateful daughter who appreciates everything you do even though she may not show it,
K
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12 comments:
That is horrible that the rest of your family could not see how much effort your Mom was putting in. She is lucky to have a daughter like you, though, who does care so much. I hope you are able to share this with her at some point. I am glad that you are able to be with your Mom for the holidays! Continue to enjoy your trip! :)
It's so unfortunate. I feel sorry of those I've met in my life that are so negative. To live a life looking for the negatives instead of being grate for what they do have must be a heavy burden. You and your mom are very blessed and I'm so inspired by your response to the situation. Thanks for sharing. Merry Christmas.
serendipitous: Thank you. she did read it, but i'm not sure what her reaction was. i wasn't there when she read it. i'm the lucky one that gets to have a mom like her.
Isabella: i know what you mean. i usually don't hang around ppl like that. but when it's fam there's no choice. luckily, my mom hasn't fallen in that trap. hopefully she never will.
I do believe you've just seriously ranted, sweetie...and I do hope you feel better for it.
I don't blame you ONE BIT for being SUPER-pissed at your fam for being all petty and annoying...your poor MOM.
All you can really do is make sure you let Mom know how much YOU appreciate her...and how frustrated you are that your family didn't show her more love and understanding. She'll probably try to defend them, but I'll bet underneath it all, she'll secretly be pleased to have such a lovely caring daughter as you.
What a beautiful tribute to your Mom. I'm sure that she felt loved, appreciated and understood by the one person who really counts when she read it! I should be so lucky that Lu would write something like this about me! Your mom obviously rocks and so do you for being mature enough to appreciate her efforts. Family's behave badly to each other all the time. Because they can. It's in the fine print that you have to forgive them. Just be grateful that you got the best woman of the bunch for your mother instead of being stuck with one of the negative nellies!
Hope New Years Eve was wonderful!
♥Spot
Kathryn: yes i did just seriously rant. and apparently everyone in my family except the two im talking about read it. and APPARENTLY everyone agreed. so my ranting was so worth it...right? and anyways what's a family gathering without someone putting it on their blog...
Spot: Thank you. I didn't she'd read it, but she did. and i got the best reaction i could've out of her becasue of what i wrote. i tell my mom that i thank God almost everytime i hang with her sisters that He gave me to her, because i think i would've shot myself if i was any of their daughters.... thanks for stopping btw. =)
Let me start off by saying that everyone is entitled to their opinion, good or bad, it’s yours and you’re free to speak or in this case write whatever is on your mind. With that said, I too have an opinion on this matter and had originally decided to keep it to myself, until I read this line “i thank God almost everytime i hang with her sisters that He gave me to her, because i think i would've shot myself if i was any of their daughters.”
WHAT A SLAP IN THE FACE!
I remember a time, about 3 years ago when you were welcomed with open arms into the household of one you like to call your “Miami Mom,” who happens to be one of those sisters you refer to. She welcomed you, tried her hardest to make you feel like a part of the household, a part of the family, knowing that you would be out of your element because your mom, dad and siblings were thousands of miles away and she did it without asking for anything in return…because you are FAMILY. I also remember that she was the one you turned to during your hardest time in those three years, she was the one who helped you with EVERYTHING you needed help with, whether it was doctor’s appointments, filing of paperwork for government assistance, rides to and from school so you nor your boyfriend would have to take public transportation, financial support or emotional support. And NEVER did she fail you. Not only is it a slap in the face to her, but it’s a slap in the face to the other two sisters…who were also there for you, to encourage you and help you, and be there the way family should be. But no, all you can seem to appreciate is the negative. How sad.
........
Every family has their issues, their days when people aren’t necessarily themselves, or there are other things on their mind preventing them from enjoying the atmosphere. It happens to us all…including YOU. After spending 6 days in Nicaragua I can’t recall a day where you didn’t have something negative to say, a complaint to make, or an issue to bitch about. Explain to me how it is okay for you to behave in a “selfish” manner but not okay for everyone else. Are we not entitled to feeling sick? Or is it that you are the only one that is allowed to get sick and allow that sickness to affect others? (Recall a stomach virus that you got Wednesday yet somehow you knew you would still be sick two days later on Friday which in essence prevented you from fulfilling a committment). “It’s just not the same…” sounds like a comment I heard from you several times during your stay at my house…how quickly the tables turn and it becomes a negative statement when someone else says it. Or to comment on the fact that a homemade dish tastes better than a store bought one…after all everyone is entitled to an opinion right, you made that very clear by posting your feelings online rather than confronting family members that you may have had an issue with. Furthermore…I believe that if you financially contribute to a meal you are entitled to have an opinion on it…as was the case on Christmas Eve. And as for the "I'm tired...I want to go home already" comment that came from our 91 year old great grandmother who suffers from dementia, I guess she has to put on a smile and stop being "selfish" as well. Forget the fact that she does not remember what she said 2 minutes ago...she's got to suck it up as well for the sake of everyone else.
I will agree with you on some points, unfortunately there is a “blanket of sadness that envelopes” the family when in Nicaragua due to the passing of our grandmother. The good thing about this world, is that it’s not filled with robots. People have emotions and they grieve at different paces. Who are you to judge what pace is appropriate? Do I agree with you that they should try to make the best of it, yes, but at the end of the day they are the ones dealing with it and only they know when the time is right to move on. Keep in mind that in this case they all lost their mother, but one lost her mother and her best friend…and aside from still dealing with that loss she may have other demons that you may be unaware of.
You refer to "everyone" having something negative to say about Christmas Eve yet no one having the courage to say something direct to your mother...how can you ask this of everyone when you can't live up to your own standards. You went and wrote a blog about it and then continued to make comments in response to the comments posted by readers of your blog. Why not avoid the drama and confront those you had an issue with? I know why... because it is easier to be hypocritical. And I quote: "Nina & Tio Alfredo...Gracias por ser mis papas en Miami y por siempre apoyandome. Te queremos mucho." You can't have it both ways...being grateful for having "Miami parents" and then turning around and saying you would shoot yourself if you were any of their daughters."
............
I apologize that you felt your Christmas and your mom's Christmas was ruined because of our selfishness as a family. I know you "usually dont hang around people like that but when its family there's no choice." Let me correct you....you do have a choice. You are not forced to spend time with us or participate in any family events. No one is holding a gun to your head or demanding your presence. You can choose to alienate yourself whenever you'd like...who would have thought that you considered family time together as a chore. The one thing our grandmother strived for was a united family...her daughters have tried to continue that as best as they could...I highly doubt that it was intended for anyone to feel like attendance was an obligation.
On another note...you state that you wish you were taken more seriously within your family and had more authority where you could put them in their place. This is the wrong way to go about it. You want more respect, you want more authority, you should start by acting like an adult and not a ranting child who decides to post things online because she does not have the courage to confront the family for fear of reaction. A husband and a child does not make you an adult....experiences and responsibility and character do. I do not claim to be perfect, nor do I claim that my immediate family is perfect. I do not take away from the fact that yes my mother has a strong character and can be difficult at times. I've experienced it first hand as everyone in this family knows...however, my mother has very good intentions and is ALWAYS willing to help anyone and everyone in this family with everything she's got. She would take the shirt off her back for anyone and deep down you know that. Your words have offended me beyond repair. How dare you say that you would rather shoot yourself than be her daughter?! Do not misunderstand me, no one is taking anything away from your mother...as she is a great person and yes she made the best of the difficult situation in Nicaragua...without your help of course, since you seem to love to add fuel to the fire. But let me tell you this...I am damn proud to have the mother I do and anyone should feel lucky to have her for a mother. The same goes for the amazing aunts that I have: Nora, Nelly, and Karla. Loving my mother and thanking God for her does not take away from the characteristics and amazing people that my aunts are and had I not been born to the mother I was born to I would be DAMNED PROUD to have any of those three for a mother...I wouldn't want to "shoot myself."
I've said my peace, given my opinion and I do not care to discuss this matter any further. You can respond if you wish to, do not expect a reply from me in return. You chose your words very carefully when expressing your feelings and you were very precise in your descriptions. In the future I recommend that you think twice before portraying those that have helped you in such a negative manner and I highly recommend that before you insult someone so severely you think back and remember how they were with you.
-Mey
I didn’t think there could be anything tackier than posting your family's dirty laundry up on a blog. But you took it to the next level by publicly and unabashedly slamming them into the proverbial ground by preferring death over being one of your aunt’s daughters? Wow, talk about classless.
Kattie i am so dissapointed and upset. I cant beleive you turned your back on everyone like that. When we welcomed you into my house i treated you like a sister if you wouldnt of stayed at my house i could of had the type of room i wanted but no because your family i sacrificed splitting my room in half with you and decorating it to how you also might enjoy it and after my mom helped you out with your dilema at 19 so increadibly much you turn your back and talk trash. But what hurt me the most is whatching my mom read it you hurt her so increadibly much my mom and aunts dont deserve what you did . It was selfish and immature. You rather shoot yourself then be one of you aunts daughters? Thats hurtful and dont ever call my mom your miami mom because shes not not anymore. And i may only be 16 but i am your cousin and what you did was inapropriate for your age i wouldnt even trash my family publicly on a blog because they are still my family and what you did and SAID shouldnt be done to family especially when they supported you until this day
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